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My Blog

When I Grow Up

Good afternoon to everyone.  Today I had a hectic morning that kept me away from my computer.  It is amazing to me how hard it is at times to actually sit down and get to work. 
When you work out of your home, it can be so much more complicated at times.  Yes, I don't need to get dressed in any special manner...I don't need to put on makeup if I care not to.  And I never have to leave the confines of my safe environment...but on the flop side, there are so many more distractions.  So much preparations from time to time.  I remember how much more simpler my life used to be.  I actually remember drinking coffee int he morning and just enjoying the down time.
Well, as I pondered what to write on today...I thought about all the jobs my life has included.  When I grow up...did you ever ask yourself that question?  I am turning 59 in the next couple of weeks and am still asking that question.  It is so funny to think back in time, I remember being a young girl and thinking that all I ever wanted to grow up to be was a wife and mother, although right to it's side was the dreams of becoming the next Shirley Temple.   As I aged a bit, I wanted to become a singer and dancer...the next Doris Day sounded right...and when the Patty Duke Show came on then I wanted to be like her....especially when she starred in the movie Billie.  I vacillated between those two and Debbie Reynolds.  I knew I wanted to be an actress and a singer.  That was what I really wanted and dreamed about.  I was fortunate enough to be in a number of performances and then the day came to decide....marry and have children or stay in show business and pursue a career?  I choose the wife and family.  As time went on, I wanted to become a teacher....went back to school at the age of 30...then within a semester changed my direction into bioengineering.  Within another semester I had flipped to becoming a doctor, but the more I thought about how emotional I am, I decided to change to forensic medical examiner.    I never aspired to wanting to become a caregiver...which is what I had become.  I had taken care of my children, my in-laws and my grandchildren.  Now I never regretted those decisions, but the day finally came when I looked into the mirror and asked the question..."What now?". I had taken art lessons and became an art teacher.  I became a storyteller and I do the two jobs, simultaneously.  And now I am writing.  I love the challenges and aspire to write a book about life growing up on my Grandma's Porch, I have some children's books that I am working on and every so often, I still question....why do I want to be when I grow up.  It is a never ending dilemma.  I have considered so many other jobs...like a party planner, caterer shop owner. But I have found that instead of my searching for the jobs...the jobs find me.  And maybe in the end, that is the way it is supposed to be. Maybe that is the destiny. That is the serendipitous happenings that determine your life.  I would have never thought about working with the Alzheimer's, yet it is such a wonderful and fulfilling opportunity that arose in my life.  I look at some of my books and remembered wanting to become a naturopathic dr., a bed and breakfast owner.  I desired many things, but for one reason or another...it wasn't in the cards for me.  I guess when I grow up...all I really want is so that my life here has counted.  That the people I have touched will remember be and pass down that memory to others.  When I grow up, I want to be respected in whatever field I am in.  When I grow up...I want to be happy! I think that that is the bottom line.  We all can look back and ask that question and look for the answers.  We have the opportunities to pick and choose and change.   that is is beauty of it all.  I guess the final answer is that when I grow up...I hope that I am smart enough to know that there is always more and more to learn and more and more to teach.  Sharing and caring is such a tremendous opportunity and responsibility. It is the time when I finally rest my body down on soft green pastures and someone says...WOW...what a person...I am so glad to have had her in my life. 

1 Comment to When I Grow Up:

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Jeanni on Friday, September 6, 2013 7:37 PM
I don't want to wait ....I want you to know NOW that you are a very important part of my life! Even though we have not been face-to-face since you moved to Niles and I moved from Overhill Avenue, thanks to the amazing Facebook feature we have been able to reconnect & keep talking/sharing/caring for each other through a hell of a lot of sagas of life! I know many times I have thought of you and have been inspired by the times we have shared. Often, I have used your image as a guide for inspiration. You are one of the very few people I have been able to open up to and share deepest thoughts, concerns, fears. Many a times I could remember you singing, which had a very calming effect in times of stress. To say I have been blessed is an understatement! You have been an encouraging, calming factor in my life for the last 30 years....even when I did not talk to you or see you for so long. Your influence (and Stan's) have had a very long important place in my heart. So, allow me to it now....to BOTH OF YOU.....WOW, What a wonderful person, couple, family, friends! Am I glad I had her/him/them in my life! Somany awesome things I have discovered-learned-been able to share with others because of her/him/them! Am I Every the Lucky One! Love you both!
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