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My Blog

Control Issues

Good morning.  I have sat here and watched out the window as the sun came up this morning.  There is something to be said about the morning's first glow.  It somehow gives me the sense that all is well in the world. 
I thought that today's blog would be about control.  I sit here and was contemplating how much control anyone has over anything....and especially over anyone! 
In this lifetime, it seems as though the issue of control is something that everyone may want, but most cannot have.  The one control that is there for the taking is that control of our own being.  WE control our selves in whatever manner we choose.  We can choose to be optimistic or pessimistic.  We control who we decide to be with...although it seems that even in that aspect, some make bad choices.  It may be that we control it...yet our sense of what is right and what is wrong may be distorted. 
When I stop and looked at situations that have occurred to people in my life..I think that CONTROL is an infectious disease.  Not only for the individuals who choose to control their lives...oftentimes, they  land up making others take control of situations. 
Those who want to control other things and other people in their lives seem to come from an out of control situation in their own lives.
Control of another human being seems to be one of the most complex thing that happens in todays society. 
Today I am looking back at my mother's life and realized that the women who put on the façade of being in control of everything...had no control whatsoever!  I would have loved to have seen her when she was a small girl.  What point in her life did she lose control of her life?  What caused her self esteem to plummet to the point of losing herself?  I am so saddened when I think about what caused this?  All I can imagine is that when she married her husband and he was an alchoholic...that was the beginning to an end.  She lost control of herself....by the control of this man.  She lost control over him and their lives...so she tried to control the lives of others...and yet not in a malicious way, but in hopes of protecting the next person.  Only this type of control backfires....because you can't control another persons life...no matter how justified you may think that is! 
Later in life...she remarried...only to repeat the mistake.  Another person who could control her every waking moment.  If I described a character to you to symbolize who she was...I would have to say that during  my whole life..I perceived her to be just like the character played by Bea Arthur...Maude.  that was my mother....yet in reality...she was more like Edith Bunker in All in the Family.
Along with control issues comes secrets.  Hiding and pretending are also partners to this disease. There are consequences that occur when you are attempting to control someone you love.  Many times, that removes them from your life altogether.  Unfortunately, it oftentimes is too late when the person who is being controlled has the foresight to realize that perhaps the person who was taking control, either was vicious and unruly or loved them so much that they were trying to protect them. 
I think that in every person there is a modicum of the control factor.  It just all comes down to whether we use it for good or bad...or whether or not it comes out of necessity. 
I know that the fear factor has a lot to do with dealing with control...fear of another person, fear of a situation, fear of someone hurting or damaging themselves....or even perhaps of another hurting someone you love. 
The long and the short of it is....everyone has some type of control issues...how you proceed to handle them and the example to others that it leaves is important...and hopefully there is still time to change it. 

2 Comments to Control Issues:

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Linda Kinnaman on Sunday, March 23, 2014 10:28 AM
Debi, I think your thoughts on control issues are good. Too many times we think we can control someone or something, but in reality, we can only control what we do and how we process what is evolving. Taking responsibility for your own self and living the best life you can is the only control we have. Make good choices first for yourself, and then for those you love. Set an example of how to treat yourself and others. Hope for the best.
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Debi on Monday, March 24, 2014 6:13 AM
Thank you Linda. It is a continuing work that we all have. It is not all that easy to want change the way things are. If we are controlled, then one must think of how to leave...so many are afraid, for so many reasons. If we are the controller...it is hard to accept that we should not even want that control...even if we think we should have it.
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