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My Blog

A Little Red Dress

Good morning readers.  Well, once again the weekend is over.  I hope you all had a good one.  I attended a baby shower and enjoyed the festivities.  Today, it is quite gloomy out with loads of rain and my body aches from the changes in pressure. 
As for today's blog, I was listening to a program yesterday and they brought up a topic that sparked this particular memory.  You see, my younger daughter received a gift one year from my Aunt.  It was a sweet red dress.  It was made of cotton, red with tiny white polka dots on it.  It also had little puffed sleeves, but the drama of the dress came in the front bottom half where there was one large pleat that was filled with layers of white eyelet lace.  My daughter was absolutely smitten with this dress.  In fact, it was hard to get her out of it.  She wore it just about everywhere we went.  I couldn't pry her out of it if I tried. People started to think that we couldn't afford another dress for her because she wore it on every occasion.  Now it took years, even after she grew out of that dress and I wanted to donate it and she stood her ground about wanting to keep that dress.  I am not exactly sure what it was about it that enamored her so, but whatever the reason she wouldn't let it go. 
It wasn't until we finally moved and I had packed box after box of items for the move that I was able to dispose properly of that dress and at that point she didn't seem to miss it...I mean, my goodness, she was 15 years old now.  I didn't have the sense at the time to cut a piece of it for memory and now....so many years later, I wish I had. 
This daughter at the age of 18 decided she wanted a different life than what we could give her and left.  It has been 18 years now and there hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about her.  She is married and has children and I pray each day that they are all happy, as we have not had the privilege to be in her life.  It was extremely hard through these years to grieve for the loss of a child who is not deceased.  To dream of holding  and loving your grandchildren and not have that opportunity.  It took a long time for me to accept that God's plan for her is different than my own....I eventually accepted it...I may not like it...but have accepted it.  'Yesterday, when I heard the story about a little girl and her favorite dress, it flooded back  all the memories of happy times and days that we had together.  I can still clothes my eyes and see her in that little red dress.  I wish more than ever now that I had it or at least a piece of it.  I would give anything to smell her scent and feel her presence.  All I have are pictures of her in that sweet little red dress. 
Things aren't forever, so if you have  something that is special, hang on to it.  I wish that I could replace that little dress, but it is gone and it had it's day.  I often wonder whether my daughter still remembers that dress.  I often imagine that she must remember all the wonderful days that we spent together.  I miss her every day in my heart and in my mind.  Somedays are harder than others.  Mother's day with out her has always felt empty and lonely.  I have another daughter and 3 wonderful granddaughters, and they are my joy and happiness, but there is a hole in my heart that can only be filled by her and her family. 
I trust in God that things are meant for a reason.  All I can do is accept.  I pray for her happiness daily and ask God to watch over them as they make memories and a life, and while doing so...I hope there is a little red dress there in the recesses of her mind....and maybe one for her daughter as well. 

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