Good afternoon to all. It has been quite some time since I have written on the blog and decided that perhaps it was time to resume. I must admit I am at times discouraged on whether it makes any difference to anyone since feedback is next to nothing....but since I found that the time spent writing and the reflective time that happens when I do is beneficial at least to me. I would try again.
I have never suffered from depression...at least I don't think I have...but feeling blue or down from time to time does creep up into my life.
I am not quite sure what triggers these types of feelings...but there are some days when it does appear. The past year or so has been quite the roller coaster for me emotionally. Oh...I must admit...it is nothing disastrous...but then again...perhaps it is...at least in my realm of normal.
I have lost a very dear friend this year...and I miss her terribly. I have lost many in my lifetime...but this last death has knocked me for a loop. I have had another dear and close friend go through a mastectomy and a VERY large dose of chemo treatments. I see how the wind in her sails has been depleted and marvel at her tenacity and fight. I have seen her lay under covers, vomit and gag...lose her hair, her eyebrows and eyelashes. She has lost weight....but never lost her faith. I marvel at the way she has handled this and wonder if I could do the same if I were in her shoes.
I have a whole in my heart for many reasons and I try to put one foot in front of the other...but from time to time...the "woe is me" can get the best of me.
As I reflect back in time...I remember how it used to be growing up. Families were together..sometimes in the same household. It has been my lot in life it seems to have my family far away. First it was my mother who moved 2,000 miles away and then it was a daughter who left and never looked back...so to speak. Grandchildren who I am not sure even know who I am. Another daughter gone to pursue life with her family. Grandchildren who I wish I could partake in their everyday activities like my own grandmother did while I was growing up. I guess it is the new way of life...at least it seems that it is for me. I cannot say that I like it very much....but then I watch a show like "Love Comes Softly"and realize that in those days...often times once a child left...the distance was so great and the ability to travel was almost non-existent that I am not that bad off...at least I can get in a car or on a plane and go to them. Non-the less...it doesn't make the lonely days any less lonely.
Now, don't get me wrong...I have plenty of things to fill up my day...and I tend to be one very busy woman...but still...every once in a while...I want to just embrace those I love.
I thought about the phase of feeling blue. Blue is associated with calmness and tranquility...and yet it is also the color associated to depression. Sort of a oxymoron.
When I think of a blue ocean or the blue sky I feel at peace. I find it interesting that they named a bird the blue bird of happiness. To say someone is True Blue means that they are loyal and faithful. A Blue blood is someone of nobility Blue is said to be the favorite color of 50% of both men and women. So why then do we say we are feeling blue when we are down in the dumps? There are many sayings that we use that contain the word blue. Someone appeared out of the blue, His face turned blue or once in a blue moon.
It is also a color of some of the most beautiful things in the world, like a blue sapphire, blue topaz, lazuli and wedge wood to name just a few.
So, blue has it's ups and downs. It has it's yin and yang. For the moments that I feel blue..I know that on the flip side...I will have my upsides and will be fine. Thank goodness for the paint brush and paints. They take me to many places. As I create I relax and reflex about how fortunate I am to have been a part of those lives that I miss. There is definitely something to be said about reflection....it always takes me back anywhere I choose to go.